Something to think about...

Someone Else

Our church was saddened to learn this week of the death of one of our most valued members, Someone Else. Someone's passing creates a vacancy that will be difficult to fill. Else has been with us for many years and for every one of those years, Someone did far more than a normal person's share of the work.  

Whenever there was a job to do, a class to teach, or a meeting to attend, one name was on everyone's list, "Let Someone Else do it." Whenever leadership was mentioned, this wonderful person was looked to for inspiration as well as results; "Someone Else can work with that group."  It was common knowledge that Someone Else was among the most liberal givers in our church. Whenever there was a financial need, everyone just assumed Someone Else would make up the difference.  

Someone Else was a wonderful person; sometimes appearing superhuman. Were the truth known, everybody expected too much of Someone Else. Now Someone Else is gone! We wonder what we are going to do. Someone Else left a wonderful example to follow, but who is going to follow it? Who is going to do the things Someone Else did?  

When you are asked to help in your local church this year, remember -- they can't depend on Someone Else anymore. Many hands make little work!  

Prayer: Father let me be someone you can count on and not someone else.  In the name of the Lord Jesus Christ. Amen!

Especially for Senior Adults...

Senior adults face many struggles in life, as well as young adults.  They say a person is “old” at the age of 68, but that varies from person to person – I am going to use the word senior, instead of “old” in this blog entry. 

Seniors struggle with things like new technology, expectations from younger adults, and health issues.

Seniors are less likely to adopt new technology than their younger counterparts for reasons ranging from doubts of its benefits to a general lack of comfort.  Almost 6% of seniors do not understand what a tablet is, even after seeing a manual with descriptions and photos.  The relationship between age and technology is predominately negative, meaning as the age increases, the negative attitude toward technology increases.  Ageism is also an issue, since the seniors are perceived as less mentally and physically competent – some seniors have relatively high levels of anxiety when they are introduced to new technology. 

If there’s one realm of modern life where old and young behave very differently, it’s in the adoption of newfangled information technology.  Just four-in-ten adults (aged 65 – 74) use the internet on a daily basis, and that share drops to just one-in-six among adults 75+.  By contrast, ¾ of all adults aged 18-30 go online daily.

We, as young adults, have to remember that seniors taught us how to use a fork and spoon, how to drive, how to behave, etc.  We have to help them learn as well, especially where technology is concerned.  This world is changing so fast!  Just take a moment to remember how much things have changed since you were a child...

Getting old isn’t nearly as bad as people think it will be.  Nor is it quite as good.  The expectations that young and middle-aged adults have about old age and the actual experiences reported are completely different.  Often, young adults associate things like illness, memory loss, an inability to drive, and end to sexual activity, a struggle with loneliness and depression, and difficulty paying bills to seniors.  

According to a national study, only one-in-four adults (aged 65 and older) report experiencing any memory loss.  Only one-in-five say they have a serious illness, are not sexually active or often feel sad or depressed.  About one-in-six report they are lonely or have trouble paying bills.  One-in-seven cannot drive.  One-in-ten say they feel they aren’t needed or are a burden to others.  When it comes to these problems, younger adults expect to encounter these, but they are actually much lower than expected. 

You’re never too old to feel young!  In fact, nearly half of all seniors (aged 50 and older) say they feel at least 10 years younger than their actual age!  Seniors report to being able to now spend more time with their families, that they get more respect, and that they feel less stress than when they were younger.  Seniors have a count-my-blessings attitude when asked to look back over the full arc of their lives.  Even in the face of illness and aging bodies, they appear to have made peace with their circumstances.  How many of us can say that? 

Of course, daily activity levels diminish on most fronts – especially when it comes to exercising and driving.  On the other hand, daily prayer and daily meditation both increase with age.  Religion is a far bigger part of the lives of older adults than younger adults!

Among all adults (aged 65 and older), nine-in-ten talk with family or friends every day.  Mothers and daughters are in the most frequent contact; fathers and daughters the least.  Sons fall in the middle, and they keep in touch with older mothers and fathers at equal rates.  Overall, ¾ of adults are very satisfied with their relationships with their parents.  The great majority say they have people around them, other than family, on whom they can rely for social activities and companionship. 

More than ¾ of seniors say they’ve talked with their children about their wills and/or what happens when they cannot make their own medical decisions.

Seniors who continue to work are healthier, consume less in public benefits, pay more taxes, and contribute to higher levels of economic growth.  More than nine-in-ten seniors (aged 65 and older) live in their own home or apartment and the vast majority are satisfied with their living arrangements.

Older workers may not have the same tech-savvy of their younger colleagues, but they have years of experience you can't teach or replace.

Here are a few key advantages to older workers:

1. They have good leadership skills. Older workers make good leaders because they often have stronger communication skills than their younger colleagues.

2. They're focused. Older people have been working their entire lives and are often not searching for the next opportunity like younger workers. They know exactly what they want to do and are focused on getting the work done. 

3. They're loyal. Since older workers are typically more satisfied with their jobs, they also tend to stay longer.

4. They have a good work ethic. "Nearly six in 10 respondents cited work ethic as one of the big differences between young and old. Asked who has the better work ethic, about three-fourths of respondents said that older people do."

5. They have strong networks. Older workers have been in the workforce longer and they've had more time to meet people and network along the way.

Seniors do have some advantages over us young adults.  They grew up in a world without the internet – where you had to communicate face-to-face with others!   They enjoy their jobs and are satisfied with their life.  Seniors could teach us a lot about how things work, if we will take the time to listen.  Don’t look down on them because they are “slow” or “incompetent” – you might be surprised at the amount of stuff they can teach you!  

Thank you, Seniors, for helping us and for letting us help you!

Struggles of a Young Adult

By definition, a struggle is a forceful or violent effort to get free of restraint or resist attack.  As a young adult, there are numerous attacks that will come your way!  You will struggle many more times than you will be free...

You will face issues such as paying bills, working, battling fatigue, staying in touch with family and friends, dating, etc.  Don’t forget marriage and children come with a whole new set of struggles!

Your money will always go faster than you want it to... Make sure that you “live within your means.”  In order to do this effectively, you should follow these few rules:

1.       Question Your Needs and Wants – Is this something I want or something I need?

2.       Evaluate your current financial situation and take a look at the big picture.  What will I have to do without to afford to get this?  Is having the power on at home more important to me than this new super great bass guitar that I want?

3.       Track, Trim and Target – Trim flexible expenses, like eating out or shopping sprees.  Be realistic!  Cutting back is usually a better place to start than completely cutting out.

4.       Follow your budget!

Always remember, money is not everything.  Sure money is necessary for life ... but it is not worth neglecting other aspects of your life!  If a family member needs you, it is very important to be there for them, instead of your boss.  Please remember:  Jobs come and go but family is forever!

Being tired can affect your emotional and physical health.  There are many “normal” activities that can cause tiredness, like lack of sleep, sleep disturbances, eating too little, poor diet, drugs and alcohol, lack of exercise and personal factors.   Research shows that at least 1/3 of the world’s population suffers from insomnia.  This is very common with those who work through the night.  Sleep requirements vary with age; the older the person, the less sleep they require.   You have to try different times and see which one works better for you.  If you eat too little or a diet low in carbohydrates, you will be tired.  Eating a healthy breakfast stabilizes energy levels.  Carbs help the body have the fuel it needs for functioning properly.  Alcohol is a depressant that slows the body’s nervous system; whereas, caffeine and cigarettes stimulate it.  All three can disrupt your normal sleep pattern.  Tiredness can also be a result of worry, too many commitments, or financial instability. 

Exercise boosts the body’s health – fitness reduces stress and boosts energy levels.   These can help in lowering the amount of tiredness you feel each day!

According to an Ofcom study, 90% of 16 to 24 year olds use the method of texting daily to communicate with friends and family, compared with 63% who talk to others face to face.  Wow!  Texting is by far the most popular way for young people to stay in touch!  Talking by telephone was also found to be less popular than texting, with only 67% saying they make daily calls.  Four in ten adults own a smartphone, making it easier to gain access to web-based communications, such as instant messaging and social networking sites.  To make it faster and more widely seen, use technology!

Dating isn’t what it used to be.  It used to be easier... simpler.  Everything was a bit more straightforward.  We’ve united as a generation and made our dating lives difficult.  

1.       Sex wasn’t often on the table – at least not on the first date.  One-night stands were nowhere near as common as they are now.  Generation-Y doesn’t date... it sleeps around.  Sure, we may sleep with the same person for a few months, and call it dating, but the truth is that we date to have sex.  Much of the time, we skip the whole dating thing and go straight for the goal. 

2.       Most people were dating because they wanted relationships.  These days, you never really know because most of our relationships start with sex before they turn into anything substantial.  It can be rather difficult figuring out where exactly that line between the two is located.   Since we are not sure where that line is, we feel free to date other people.  What if the other person finds out and you ruin your chances with him or her?  Even worse, what if he or she is dating other people and you are being faithful?  Dating is a sport to our generation.  Older generations dated for the purpose of finding someone to fall for – and for sex, of course, they repressed those feelings and focused on romance. 

3.       Arbitrary rules that people are meant to follow.  With every new device and messaging service comes a new rule as to how long to wait before initiating post-date contact.  There are rules on how much you can and can’t text – how often you should or shouldn’t see each other.  No one really knows the rules because they are so arbitrary that it really doesn’t matter.  Nevertheless, we know that there are some rules out there somewhere and we’ll follow our own interpretation of them.  The form of communication itself makes dating more difficult.  We mostly communicate over devices, instead of in person.  So much gets lost in a text message (even with emojis).

4.       There was once date etiquette.  You would buy flowers or chocolate, go to dinner and see a movie, and maybe kiss the girl on the cheek at the end of the night.  Mission accomplished – much simpler times.  Nowadays there are no guidelines on going out on a date.  Now, we want to be swept away and impressed, always looking for that next great experience to update our status with...

5.       There’s more for us to balance.  Life was simpler before – there was less to do, less to balance – fewer options, possibilities and choices to make.  Every day, we have countless options presented to us.  Worse, we choose as much as possible because we want more – it’s human nature.  We are always competing and trying to get ahead – to leave a legacy – to matter.

Marriage struggles are as real as dating struggles – just in a different way.  You finally found someone that wants to have a serious relationship, so you cross over the dating line.  You think it will be wonderful – that you finally have someone that will love you in good times and bad, in sickness and in health... until death do you part...  Honestly, someone who is already married should tell you that it will not be easy – it will not be fun – it will not be as great as you think it will be.  There will be struggles.  Let’s take a look at what some of those struggles may look like:

1.       Growing up and growing apart.  We grow up a lot during our early 20-something years, but we continue to grow and evolve past our 30^th birthdays.  That is a challenge for all couples to navigate.  I think the real issue is that we can’t fully comprehend how much we can possibly change. 

2.       Financial stress.  Take two people who barely know how to manage their own money, let alone have any real-world experience with adult financial obligations and mix.  You’ve been warned.  You are going to fight (A LOT!).  Every couple does.   You are young and money is tight, you are still learning things about each other, still figuring out who you are, and there will be many heated misunderstandings.  The key is learning how to communicate effectively and authentically.

3.       Sacrifice and compromise.  Marriage requires both of these “for the greater good.”  You’re now part of a partnership and all of your decisions will affect the other person too.  Who gets to follow their dreams and who gets to hold down the fort?  Whose job gets priority?  It can be a tricky dance, and often there are toes that get stepped on and feeling that get hurt along the way.

4.       Discouraging statistics.  We know, WE KNOW.  Every young couple is faced with the looming doom predicted by divorce statistics.  The reasons why young marriages dissolve are as individual as the people themselves.  Think about it:  If people constantly tell you that you’re going to fail, how long until you start to believe them?

5.       All the responsibilities at once.  Responsibilities are important.  They teach lessons, thicken our skin, and prepare us for life in a way that a decade of boozie brunches and couch surfing simply can’t.   Figuring out your individual roles while buried under responsibilities and expectations was and is hard.  Not impossible, but I imagine it would be better to ease into each role, one at a time. 

6.       Lack of support.  Sometimes our friends just don’t “get” us.  They stop inviting us to parties or events, assuming that we are too grown-up for these shenanigans.  Even our families might be passive-aggressive about our relationships, with more raised eyebrows and behind-the-back snickering than true support.  This can be emotionally taxing.

7.       Lack of Identity.  It’s easy to lose yourself in the identity of “wife” or “mom” if it’s the only adult identity we know.  It’s absolutely possible to ”find yourself” in the midst of marriage and motherhood, but it takes conscious effort.  To develop and retain our identity, we can’t leave our happiness or self-worth hinging on another person or situation.  We cannot define ourselves by our roles and responsibilities, no matter how consuming or important.  We have to be our own while belonging to another, which is easier said than done.

8.       You will struggle with jealousy.  You’ll still be attracted to other people.  Look once and let it go, that second look is what will hurt your marriage. 

9.       You will need some time apart. 

0.     There’s only so many times you can have sex.  When you first get married, you won’t be able to keep your hands off each other.  After a while, you’ll need a break.  You have to make your relationship about more than sex.

1.      Your in-laws will get intimately involved in your life.  When you fight, one of you will likely want someone to talk to, usually a parent.  The parent, of course, will have advice for both of you and will get in your personal business.  It’s going to be irritating, but it’s not a deal breaker.

Love isn’t a feeling – it’s a decision.  There will be days when you think about calling it quits.  Love is a decision to stop listening to your emotions and choose to stay together through the tough times.  Love is waking up each day and recommitting to your partner.  Love and marriage go hand-in-hand. 

Marriage is a source of struggle and pain, as well as insight and awareness.  All of that growth allows you to become something new, something stronger, something better.  Be grateful to share all of those hard and wonderful moments with the same person by your side.

Couples often think that children solidify a marriage but the truth is, they are a serious threat!  The transition from couplehood to parenthood marks one of the greatest stressors on the life of a marriage.  While that stress may dwindle over the years, it never completely goes away.  The wear and tear kids inflict on marriages is at an all-time high, thanks, in part, to helicopter parenting.  We’ve become a society that is hyper-focused on the emotional well-being of our children.  The more time you spend on your kids, the less time you have to focus on your spouse – and your marriage. 

Marriage advice:

1.       At the end of a long day, remember sex and wine can solve a lot.  Never underestimate the power of either, particularly when combined.

2.       Don’t set romance expectations too high on a day-to-day basis.  Simply sitting on the same couch while watching TV (instead of across the room from each other) counts as quality time.

3.       Live near your family and lean on them.  Free babysitters are priceless!  If this is impossible, find someone you trust to stay with your child at least once a month.

4.       Two words:  DATE NIGHT!  When you go out, try to talk about things OTHER than your children.

5.       Never feel guilty sticking your kids in front of the TV if it’s for a) a shower, b) to make them dinner, or c) sex.  None of that stuff takes long enough for their brains to start rotting.

6.       Go out without each other too!  FRIEND NIGHT!  You can’t be each other’s only outlet, so find some other ones.

7.       Maintain a little mystery by ... limiting the bathroom occupancy to one.  (Or, I should say, one adult.  If anyone knows how to keep your kids out of the bathroom, let me know!)

8.       E-mail or text each other.

9.       Sit down to a home cooked meal (as often as possible).

0.      Try to fight about the one thing you’re fighting about and stop yourself from dredging up all the other crap that really isn’t bothering you at the moment. 

1.      Occasionally, you just need to walk away.

2.      Create a bedtime routine for your kids from day one and STICK TO IT so they know how to go to sleep.  The only way to have a relationship outside of your kids is to have time away from them.

You knew that things would be different after baby came along - but nothing prepared you for these total 180s.

1. The change is unavoidable — and often unspeakable.  Remember when you thought your baby was going to fit neatly into your current life? Nope, not happening. Once you have a baby, you become painfully aware that your life now revolves around this little helpless being who needs you — and who despite having a pretty simple existence (eating, sleeping, pooping), needs round-the-clock care and undivided attention. Consider your world officially rocked — your relationship included.

2. You might hate your partner a little bit.  Maybe hate is a strong word, but you might find yourself snapping at your partner a whole lot more than you used to. You might resent him a little for going to work while you're home on leave, you might despise the way he fastens a diaper or mixes a bottle or washes the whites. But remember: This does not mean you're headed for divorce. Some people call those early mood swings — likely a result of hormonal changes and sleep deprivation — the " baby blues" And they're normal, as long as they don't escalate into postpartum depression. Your hormones will eventually balance out — but you've also got to make up your mind to snap out of your bad mood. 

3. You don't nurture your relationship the way you know you should.  If you had time to write a to-do list, there would be about 242 things on it — for one day. So, a lot of stuff simply isn't going to get done. And way below the cutoff is "quality time" with the Mister. Everyone will tell you to plan a date night, but you probably won't (and if you do, you might not enjoy it because your boobs are uncomfortably engorged or you might be worried about your sitter knowing the right way to deal with baby's colic). There's something innate that bonds a woman with her baby — even though she'll be saner with a little time away from her baby. Remind yourself that you really should get away, even just for a little bit, and spend time with your partner, just the two of you. Everyone's right: It _is _good for your relationship. If it's hard now, just keep reminding yourself to do it. Over time, it will get easier to tear yourself away from baby.

4. Sex has probably become a distant memory.  Such a cliche, we know. But, temporarily at least, your sex life has probably taken a nosedive. You had to wait about six weeks after giving birth before having sex. And frankly, once you've gotten the go-ahead from the doc, you might not actually feel ready to do it yet (yes, it may hurt — it won't be torture, but your body's been through a lot, and it will take time to get back to normal). Tack on exhaustion, stress, the mood swings we mentioned, potential dryness (down there) from breastfeeding and lack of romance with your partner, and it could be months before you feel in the mood. Of course, you don't want to rush yourself if you're not ready, but you also want to communicate to your partner what's going on so he doesn't think the lack of nooky is his fault — or that it's going to be like this forever. (And definitely don't let it be like this forever — you both could use some good sex, are we right?)

5. You love your baby more than your partner.  It goes without saying that you love your baby more than anything — and that probably includes your partner. (Well, maybe not more, just differently.) But you may not have predicted that, at least for a little while, you would practically forget that he exists. Try not to make it too obvious; remember, he's crazy about the baby too, but there's no reason either of you should hurt each other's feelings because of it.

6. Niceties have gone out the window.  From time to time, try to say "please" and "thank you," and maybe even use those pet names you used to call each other.

7. There's no such thing as downtime.  Okay, so we mentioned how your routine would change, but there are some things you used to do that were the foundation of your relationship: watch trashy reality TV together, play Rock Band, read novels in bed and then switch when you were done. All that cool, fun, intimate stuff is gone — for now at least, while you have zero time to waste. Now you've got to challenge yourselves to bond while emptying the diaper pail and cleaning mashed sweet potatoes out of the high chair's crevices. Not sexy, but if you think about it, it's kind of sweet that you two are in this together.

8. Despite all that tough stuff, you have a new bond.  So yes, there will be ups and downs, but something about having created a life together — and taking care of that life as a team — will bond you two in a whole new way. You may run into some bumps in the road, but you'll also likely look at your partner singing to baby in the middle of the night, or teaching her to play patty-cake, and fall in love with him all over again. Think of babyhood as boot camp. If you guys can make it through this, you'll be prepared to make it through almost anything.

The 10 Best Decisions a Couple Can Make

The 10 Best Decisions a Couple Can Make 

based on the book by Bill & Pam Farrel

"We all go into our marriages thinking, This is not a problem.  We'll just work it out because we're in love.  This idealism is probably necessary because if we knew everything that is involved in building an intimate relationship, we would conclude it is impossible and run the other way."

Every marriage is filled with hopes, dreams, disappointments, inconsistencies, and challenges.  Every couple goes through a period where they wonder, What have we gotten ourselves into?  No one could possibly anticipate all that is involved in an intimate relationship, so surprises are inevitable!  At times, the only thing that keeps a couple going is the dream.  Intimate relationships are very influential on our hearts.  The relationship begins with the feeling that it will be magical and fulfilling, but the dream gets interrupted by the real needs of the individuals involved.

No man ever said to a young woman, "Will you marry me so we can load up on bills and work hard for the rest of our lives to pay them off?"  All seems wonderful, but when reality hits, a couple can endure some boring, stressful, and painful times because of the dream.  We get married to the person of our dreams but grow discontent because we forget the dream in the light of reality.

#1... Decide to Build a Love that Lasts.

We are all imperfect people trying to love other imperfect people in an imperfect world.  Intimate relationships will deteriorate unless you nurture them.  Fixed things won't stay fixed.

Love is patient, love is kind.  It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud.

It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.

Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth.  It always protects, always trusts,

always hopes, always perseveres.  Love never fails... And now these three remain:  faith,

hope and love.  But the greatest of these is love (1 Corinthians 13:4-8, 13).

#2... Decide to Be Positive. Love is patient.

When life is challenging and circumstances are difficult, we can still choose to be positive.  Here are some ways to regroup:  Don't say anything.  Look for a positive.  Try to encourage. Look for the humor.  Keep it in perspective.  Go to Plan B.  Walk it off.  Offer up a distraction.  Apologize.

To keep a marriage brimming - with love in the loving cup --

When you are wrong, admit it - And when you are right, shut up!

#3... Decide to Communicate with Kindness.  Love is kind.

    

Measure Twice, Cut Once.  We have all heard these words before, but they are truly important when it comes to intimate relationships.  When we measure our words and recheck what has been communicated to us, we avoid costly relational mistakes.

People who have long term, happy marriages have found a way to make sure their spouse feels understood and supported.  The learning process isn't natural, so it has to be practiced.  Hear each other's opinions and listen to the reason why.  Take a cool-off period.  Pray for guidance.  Stay calm and do not interrupt each other.  Check the timing, the importance, the tone of voice, body language and attitude that you are using.

#4... Decide to Fight Fair.  Love does not envy.

Married couples experience times of discord and frustration with one another for at least three reasons - you love each other, the thing that you love most is what will irritate you the most, and 

you are human!  You were born with a corrupted nature, and so was your spouse.  As a result, you are prone to be selfish, proud, and controlling.  Your relationship will deteriorate unless you put deliberate, humble, and focused energy into it.  Relationships are prone to difficulties, but we are ignorant of what makes relationships work and are too proud to seek out good help.  

Commit to each other to finish every argument.  You will feel better about your relationship when you are done talking - if you do not feel better after an argument, you are not finished arguing!  You need a new game plan.  Some rules to refer to:  Never say the word divorce.  Never resort to hitting. Don't say words that you'd regret if your spouse was suddenly gone.  If your temper is out of control, ask for a time-out.  Pray.  Read books about marriage or attend a marriage event yearly.

#5... Decide "We" is Greater than "Me."  Love does not boast, it is not proud.

Fixing a relationship is hard work!  It is a journey of selfless indulgence.  A few basic skills that help marriages grow:  practicing communication, resolving conflicts, spending fun time together as a couple, creating a 5-to-1 ratio of positive expressions to negative expressions, and praying with each other daily.  Instead of putting these basic skills to work, we have a tendency to make up our own plans and assume they are going to be effective.

Successful marriages require a balance of hard work and time together focused on each other, as well as a balance of responsibility and authority.  Studies demonstrate a steady need for affirmation in intimate relationships.  The most important skill in maintaining unity as a couple is forgiveness.  You will undoubtedly make mistakes, disappoint each other, and make some poor decisions.  The only way to keep our relationship growing in the midst of our humanity is to forgive.

#6... Decide to Keep the Sex Sizzling.  Love is not rude; it is not self seeking.

Married couples need to have a sturdy, stable relationship to endure the challenges of life.  But you didn't get married just to endure.  You got married because you were in love and believed you could have a great time together.  You want to be valued, loved, and treasured by each other.  This is why God created sex and romance.  Sexual intimacy is the decoration that makes your relationship uniquely yours.  It is a secret you share with each other and an adventure you explore.

Say YES! to each other:  Y - Yield to one another.  What is done in the bedroom must be agreed upon.  Love never forces its own way.  E - Extend it in love.  It must be done in love.  The goal is not simply to perform an act, it is to deepen the relationship.  S - Secure it with privacy.  Sex is only between you two - No others and no counterfeits (such as porn) are allowed.

#7... Decide to Discover Your Spouse's Life Motivation.  Love is not easily angered.

Stress and conflict bring out different things in different people, and you do well to know how your mate tends to solve problems.  Once you know, you can work with it to create a pattern that is workable for the two of you to get to resolution.  Are they a negotiator? A debater? A peacekeeper? Do they express their love for you by words, touch, quality time, acts of service or gifts?  Which personality trait fits them best?  Communicating with your spouse is the most effective way to find the answers to any of these questions!  What does your spouse want out of life?

Now that we know all of these things, we have some choices.  We can use it against each other or we can use it to excuse any of our own unhealthy behaviors (which are both bad choices), or we can discover each other's strengths and uniqueness.  These are the very qualities that caused you to fall in love with each other in the first place.  If you stay aware of these traits, you can use them to strengthen your relationship.  Accept each other as you are!

#8...  Decide to Tackle Transitions.  Love keeps no record of wrongs.

We all head into marriage with the hope that every day will be as happy as our wedding day and that we will live happily ever after.  In reality, however, the great moments are mixed with embarrassing, awkward transitions.  Transitions in life can make or break a marriage.  Life transitions are a bit like dynamite - they have the power to move mountains and create an easier path, but they can also destroy things.  The decision is yours.  You can allow the transitions to tear you two apart, or you can team up and tackle them together.  Sadly, so many people choose to opt out, so that 1/4 of all Americans have experienced at least one divorce.

You cannot avoid transitions.  You must travel through them in order to fully mature in life.  If you prepare well and find ways to support each other through them, they become a source of connection instead of conflict.  Get a mentor - Life is much easier when you have some help from those who are further along the trail.  Usually between the ages of 28 and 38, a woman will say, "I love my husband and my children, but is this all there is to life - dishes, laundry, responsibility?"  She is asking the big questions of life - Why am I here?  What is my purpose?  What is my passion?  She has questions deep in her heart and her husband is often very busy.  He may miss his wife's emotional clues.  While a woman is in midlife evaluation, her man is usually in superman mode, trying to provide for the family.  He has come to grips with how expensive his life is going to be and realizes that he needs to step up to the plate and not just have a job - he must develop a career that will keep up with the rising demands of the ones he loves most in life.

During these tough transitions, husbands and wives can easily blame each other for the stress in the relationship.  Anyone can easily get overwhelmed and want to just walk away - but walking away doesn't help because wherever you go, you take yourself with you.  You face the same struggles, same victories, and same issues. Find a focus.  Find emotional support.  Try again and never give up!

#9... Decide to Leave a Legacy of Love.  Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth.

Decide to leave a legacy of love.  Decide your love will lay a strong foundation for future generations to build on.  Decide to be the example of long-lasting love.  We encourage you to set aside a date to go over and come up with a family mission and a family motto.  You can decide how your love will shine.  Every family has a personality or unique gift that can leave a positive imprint in the world.

Some families take and some families give.  Families who give usually have kids who excel in school, socially and morally, as they are led by example in traits that form a strong person and a strong society.  Create a family that gives.  Discover and live out your unique family focus.  Each day we have the opportunity to live out the legacy we want to leave.

#10... Decide to Connect to the Author of Love.  Love always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.  Love never fails.

Consider these statistics:  The divorce rate for first-time marriages is about 50%.  However, those who pray together daily have a divorce rate of less than 1%!  Couples who pray together rate their sex life with the highest possible rating.  Couples who attend a weekly church worship service also give their sex life the highest satisfaction rating.  Couples whose friends believe in long-term, monogamous marriage tend to have long-term happy marriages.  These friends might be found in the local church.  Do you see the pattern?  The more spiritual your marriage is, the more likely it is to be successful and sexually satisfying.  The more passion you have toward God, the more you'll have available for your marriage!

Decide that today will be the day to spiritually build up your marriage - then check to see if you have the tools you need:  T - Talk to God.  O - Obey the truth.  O - Overcome evil.  L - Look in the Bible. S - Share with others.

"Why settle for a run-down marriage when you can create something beautiful?  The 10 Best Decisions a Couple Can Make offers insights and wisdom to help you move your marriage from tenement to tasteful villa.  Enjoy!"  

Jerry & Patti MacGregor

authors of Family Times and The Prayers of the Presidents

"All married couples - young and seasoned - will benefit greatly from this insightful new book that lays a solid foundation for making love last a lifetime."

Janet Holm McHenry

author of Prayer Changes Teens:  How to Parent from Your Knees